Gentleman's Essential #14: Friendship

“A true friend is the most precious of all possessions and the one we take the least thought about acquiring.” -Francois de La Rochefoucauld

I’m a firm believer that life is a roller coaster – it’s full of ups and downs.  Sometimes it can be so intense that you start to feel overwhelmed and wish the ride would stop.  That’s why it’s important to see that you’re not alone.  As we go through life we are privileged to have other people become close to us.  These people know us deeply and we know them.  These people are our friends.  It’s easy to gather a ton of acquaintances, but true friends are special.  They would gladly move mountains for you or simply put their arms around you when you’re feeling down.  They do this, not because they anticipate something immediately in return, but because they love you.

Of course, having good friends means that, when possible, you strengthen that relationship.  Sadly, I’ve neglected some of my closest friendships in the past and am working hard to rebuild them.  What is the best way to do this?  Time.  A mass email to all of your friends is nice, but does very little.  If you haven’t talked to a friend in a while, give them a call.  If they live close by, invite them to go grab lunch and catch up.  If you are still close, the important thing is to be there for them.  Be the friend they can count on when they need help or if they’re feeling alone.  Be the hand that reaches to them when they feel lost, or the arms that encircle them when they’re hurting.  So next time you find yourself plummeting down in your roller coaster of life, look next to you – your friends are there with you.

Of all you have, your friends are your most valuable possession.  Treat them as such, gentlemen.    

Gentleman’s Essential #13: Reaping and Sowing

To introduce this installment, I’ll tell a story about a friend of mine.  I’ll call her Barbie.  Barbie’s one of the best people I know; fun, witty, intelligent, driven.  She also would really like to have a family someday and would be a great mom.  Enter Ken.  Barbie recently started dating Ken about four months ago.  From the outside, Ken seems like the All-American guy; big smile, handsome, fun and athletic.  Needless to say, Barbie’s crazy about Ken.  But Ken smokes pot.  Why is that relevant?  Because smoking pot (especially regular marijuana use during late-teens/early-20’s) greatly increases the likelihood of infertility for males as well as the chance for genetic defects if they do have kids.  In other words, Ken has far fewer swimmers now and the ones he does have are much less mobile and genetically screwed up.  Ken probably thinks he’s just having fun, but he doesn’t know he’s sowing the seeds of future pain for him and Barbie if things progress and they try to have a family together.  If they actually do have kids, those children are likely to have learning disabilities or birth defects.  It’s tragic.     

Nothing happens in a vacuum.  It’s the blessing and curse of being human.  We are privileged to be able to associate with other people and have them be a part of our lives.  On the other hand we can be hurt and cause pain to others.  There are many things I wish I would have thought of or been aware of before I did them, because I know they have caused a great deal of pain to others – especially those closest to me.  Unfortunately in life there are no “do-overs”, no bogies.

What do we do?  All we can do is learn to be able to look back and learn from our mistakes and try to move forward in a better way, so we are sowing the seeds of future success and happiness for ourselves, but more importantly, for our loved ones. 

Sow good seeds gentlemen – you will reap happiness.