Gentleman's Essential #18: Ten Tips For Staying Fit This Winter

Disclaimer: I wrote this for one of my Bonsai Media Group clients, but knew it would be great advice for the Guy'dbook.  Enjoy.

Many people simply resign to getting out of shape during the winter.  There are no shortages of excuses:  “All of the treats during the holidays are irresistible”, “I have to have snacks and watch all of the football games”, “It’s too cold out for a workout”.  The list goes on.  Our need to stay healthy doesn’t take a break.  The effects often felt during the winter months can be reversed if a healthy lifestyle is followed all year.  For example, regular exercise can help reduce the effects of season depression and stretching will help prevent injuries caused by limited range of motion.  Now that it is clear that a yearlong fitness goal should be in the cards, below are some tips on how to stay active:

Buddy up:  having a workout friend makes time on a walk or at the gym more exciting and creates accountability.

Lunch break walk:  The time for lunch is a great time to get outside while it’s light out during the shorter winter months.

Find good ToDo’s: Chopping wood for the fireplace (Ali for example - left), organizing the garage, or raking leaves are all excellent exercises.

Take the stairs:  Instead of taking the elevator at work, opt for the stairs – you’ll burn more calories and feel more invigorated.

Get your game on:  There are plenty of indoor sports leagues in the Seattle area – check out indoor soccer or basketball leagues.

Get your game on, part 2:  motion controlled video games are also great ways to stay active and burn calories, plus they’re a great family and friend activity (Nintendo Wii, Xbox Kinect, Playstation Move).

Smart snacks: instead of reaching for the chips & dip or cookies, grab a veggie snack or pick up the baked alternative chips, like veggie crisps.

Jump in:  indoor swimming pools are a great, year-round source of fitness activates, such as swimming laps, water aerobics, or walking laps in the shallow end.

Drop down and give me 10!: find opportunities to do a quick set of pushups – bust out ten during a commercial break or couple the activity with a personal goal.  For example, if you’re trying to stop using questionable language, do ten pushups every time you slip.

Create a record:  Writing down your progress is a good way to be accountable to yourself and see how far you’ve come in the gloomy months.

Clearly not all of us are ice climbers, but we can all find something to stay active in the dark, cold months.  Be fit my friends – your summer beach-time will thank you.

Gentleman's Essential #17 - Your Thing

In early August something great came into my life – a puppy named Toby.  Cara and I went to the dog breeder’s house in Marysville to check out their litter of golden retrievers (we both have always wanted one).  There were three or four little fuzz-balls, but one was a little different from the rest and crawled out to us.  That was it – he was coming home with us.  Toby’s grown from the tiny guy that fit in the palm of your hand, into a 40+ pound dog in just a few short months.  Raising a dog is a lot of work: the feeding, the walking, the bathing, the bathroom trips.  Oh, the bathroom trips!  Now when we come back inside from heading out to the rain to make sure Toby pees and poos in the grass and not on the floor, Cara invariably asks, “Was he a good boy?”  And I reply, “Yup, he did his thing.” 

We all have “our thing”.  Cara’s thing is yoga and reading.  Ryan’s thing is collecting and dressing nice.  Stanislav’s thing is climbing and cigars.  Apparently, Toby’s thing is “leaving his mark on the world”… in his own way.  Our special thing is what defines us.  It’s not everything we are, but it is a big part of our lives.  It’s something that, internally, is something to be passionate about, and externally, something that makes us interesting.  Take for example my boss, the head of the Amazon Appstore – Aaron Rubenson.  He’s incredibly smart, well spoken; he’s a hard worker and demands the same from the team.  Oh hey, by the way, he’s also a concert opera singer.  And he’s learning how to sail.  I’m sure as he talks with “the higher-ups” or people from other companies, he stands out with interesting personal experiences from “his thing”.  After all, we work to live, not live to work. 

Your thing shouldn’t be artificial.  If it’s cool, but you’re not into it – don’t force it.  When you take time for yourself and your hobbies, you should be excited about it and you should feel like you derive some satisfaction from it.  As you give time to yourself to do “your thing”, you will have a wealth of great experiences to look back on and share with others. 

Be interesting my friends; go find what you are passionate about.

Gentleman’s Essential #16 – The Smile That Melts Hearts

When I was young, I was pretty shy.  Getting out of my comfort zone and meeting new people was a torturous experience for me.  You can imagine my dismay when at the age of 8 my family announced that we would be moving from the home and friends I grew up with, to a new home and new school a number of miles away.  My parents’ bedroom is still clear in my memory that first morning of school.  That’s when I received some of the most thoughtful advice I’ve ever been given.  My Mom said, “If you smile, you’ll make a lot of friends.”  Being the trusting young man I was, I did just that.  That day at recess I innocently walked up to Jason and Jeff, smiled and asked, “do you want to be my friends?”  And that was that – we started hanging out.  I was still shy, but I had an easier time getting to know people.  Now I can’t seem to wipe this smirk off of my face (please note Exhibit A in the About Me section). 

Some expressions are universal and occur in ever society and culture from the isolated aborigines of Australia to the city dwellers of New York.  Smiles are one of those expressions.  Sometimes a person can fake a smile when one is being polite, but a true smile contracts the orbicularis oculi (no, that’s not a Harry Potter spell) – forming the “crows feet” near your eyes.  Next time you’re trying to see if the person you’re talking with is really smiling – don’t look at their mouth, look at the eyes.  The eyes always tell the whole story. 

Aside from knowing when you’re friend/date is really happy, smiles are also a great way to help others see that you’re a good person and want to talk.  Even if you have a bit of a goofy smile – people usually can’t help smiling back.  Which brings me to one of my favorite games.  For a day, try to see how many strangers you can get a smile from.  Not by doing anything crazy or funny, but by smiling at them.  It always made my day, and you never know – it might make the other person’s day too.  There’s really no need to always be upset, or have a scowl across your face.  You like talking with people who are happy and trust me, other people will feel the same way about you.  Of course, it's best to be honest about your feelings, but if everything's fine (which, isn't it?)  then why not have a grin on your face.  

Go out there and make some friends – and you never know, one day you might just have a girl say you melted her.      

Gentleman’s Essential #15: Subtle Sophistication and Patience

The 2005 New Line comedy classic, Wedding Crashers, featured Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson as a couple of guys who drop in on weddings to have some laughs, eat good food, and meet some girls.  People helping people!  Vince Vaughn’s character is very loud and garish whereas Owen Wilson’s character is more reserved, more patient with what he wants (Rachel McAdams)… he’s more subtle. 

What is a subtle guy like?  They don’t have to always be heard by everyone.  The subtle guy is able to hang back and interject the perfect joke at the perfect time.  You know the guy, a comedy ninja.  As he’s listening to his date, he lays out a perfect line – one that shows he’s listening and quick on his feet.  A subtle guy also doesn’t need to brag.  He does great things and lets his actions speak for themselves.  Unlike the loud “one upper” as I like to call them.  Don't be afraid of “awkward silences”.  See those moments actually as a great time to try to see what the other person’s eyes are telling you.    

There’s no need to be the loud guy.  Sure, there’s a time and a place, but a gentleman will realize that it’s best to think about what he says and does.  Live passionately, but also be thoughtful.  It’s great to go after what you want in life and seize what you find beautiful and inspiring, but be patient too – some things are best when the time is right. 

Take for example Owen Wilson’s character.  He falls for the perfect girl; things don’t work out and actually go really badly for him.  What does he do?  What would you do?  He doesn’t freak out and do the wrong thing and, on the flip side, he doesn’t give up.  He patiently works hard at being the right guy for the right girl.  In the end, it all works out, because he’s been quietly being a good man.      

Patience brothers – good things will happen if you’re doing the right thing and working hard at what you want.  And always, always, be thoughtful.

Gentleman's Essential #14: Friendship

“A true friend is the most precious of all possessions and the one we take the least thought about acquiring.” -Francois de La Rochefoucauld

I’m a firm believer that life is a roller coaster – it’s full of ups and downs.  Sometimes it can be so intense that you start to feel overwhelmed and wish the ride would stop.  That’s why it’s important to see that you’re not alone.  As we go through life we are privileged to have other people become close to us.  These people know us deeply and we know them.  These people are our friends.  It’s easy to gather a ton of acquaintances, but true friends are special.  They would gladly move mountains for you or simply put their arms around you when you’re feeling down.  They do this, not because they anticipate something immediately in return, but because they love you.

Of course, having good friends means that, when possible, you strengthen that relationship.  Sadly, I’ve neglected some of my closest friendships in the past and am working hard to rebuild them.  What is the best way to do this?  Time.  A mass email to all of your friends is nice, but does very little.  If you haven’t talked to a friend in a while, give them a call.  If they live close by, invite them to go grab lunch and catch up.  If you are still close, the important thing is to be there for them.  Be the friend they can count on when they need help or if they’re feeling alone.  Be the hand that reaches to them when they feel lost, or the arms that encircle them when they’re hurting.  So next time you find yourself plummeting down in your roller coaster of life, look next to you – your friends are there with you.

Of all you have, your friends are your most valuable possession.  Treat them as such, gentlemen.    

Gentleman’s Essential #13: Reaping and Sowing

To introduce this installment, I’ll tell a story about a friend of mine.  I’ll call her Barbie.  Barbie’s one of the best people I know; fun, witty, intelligent, driven.  She also would really like to have a family someday and would be a great mom.  Enter Ken.  Barbie recently started dating Ken about four months ago.  From the outside, Ken seems like the All-American guy; big smile, handsome, fun and athletic.  Needless to say, Barbie’s crazy about Ken.  But Ken smokes pot.  Why is that relevant?  Because smoking pot (especially regular marijuana use during late-teens/early-20’s) greatly increases the likelihood of infertility for males as well as the chance for genetic defects if they do have kids.  In other words, Ken has far fewer swimmers now and the ones he does have are much less mobile and genetically screwed up.  Ken probably thinks he’s just having fun, but he doesn’t know he’s sowing the seeds of future pain for him and Barbie if things progress and they try to have a family together.  If they actually do have kids, those children are likely to have learning disabilities or birth defects.  It’s tragic.     

Nothing happens in a vacuum.  It’s the blessing and curse of being human.  We are privileged to be able to associate with other people and have them be a part of our lives.  On the other hand we can be hurt and cause pain to others.  There are many things I wish I would have thought of or been aware of before I did them, because I know they have caused a great deal of pain to others – especially those closest to me.  Unfortunately in life there are no “do-overs”, no bogies.

What do we do?  All we can do is learn to be able to look back and learn from our mistakes and try to move forward in a better way, so we are sowing the seeds of future success and happiness for ourselves, but more importantly, for our loved ones. 

Sow good seeds gentlemen – you will reap happiness.

Gentleman’s Essential #12: Gym Etiquette

There are two things I like to do, go to the gym and listen to my friends’ opinions.  Naturally when my friends give opinions about their experiences at the gym, my ears perk up.  In this Essential we’ll cover three things that people have talked to me about when they grimace and discuss “that guy” at the gym.

Change your clothes.  When you go to the gym regularly, you start to see the same cast of characters.  Everyone generally keeps to themselves, but you recognize them.  What you don’t want to be recognized as is as the guy who wears the same shirt every day (guy at left is a recreation of "that guy").  That alone is a bad thing.  The other drawback to donning the same shirt to each workout is it’s going to start to stink.  Bad.  Easy fix though, go do some volunteer work or run a race – you’ll get a free shirt and instantly double your wardrobe! 

You’re not alone.  It’s easy to ‘be in the zone’ when you’re working out.  The weights are on, your pushing your limits, and you let out a growl like you’re morphing into a werewolf.  Not exactly okay.  While studies show that yelling does help push you harder, try to keep it under a reasonable decibel level.  Remember to use your inside voices!  Violators of the grunting and yelling, is guy who is constantly checking himself out in the mirror.  The human body is pretty cool, but staring at your arm as you do curls isn’t going to “will” it into getting bigger.  

Don’t stare (see P-Diddy right).  I’ll keep this simple, because it is.  I’ve been told by more than one of my female friends that they hate it when guys ogle them while they workout.  You know they guy.  As the girl goes from one place to another, his head swivels on his neck like the possessed girl from Poltergeist.  Don’t do that.  Glance, acknowledge, smile, get back to what you were doing. 

The gym’s a great place.  It feels good to workout and get fit.  Do what you can to make a good impression on others and be “that guy” that people say with a smile.  

Gentleman’s Essential #11: Cutting it Close

After a failed attempt at writing a piece about shaving, we’re going to revisit the subject.  No fancy stats about what women actually want, but we’ll start with a story from my favorite period in antiquity – Ancient Rome.  Shaving became so important in Roman culture that when young men went to the barber for the first time, it was a celebration and their hairs were offered to the gods.  After famously rising from the ranks and driving his nemesis to Egypt, Julius Caesar attained the throne of the Roman Empire.  This great leader and conqueror opted for the clean-shaven look – and he demanded that of his soldiers.  Unfortunately, Caesar achieved this by having the hairs individually plucked; even worse, his soldiers in the field “shaved” by rubbing their hair out with a pumice stone.  It kind of puts drudgery of the daily or bi-weekly shave in a new perspective.  Let’s look at how to do this ancient gentlemen’s ritual properly.

1.   Prepare your face with warm water.  The hair on your face will soften up and stand up for a closer shave if you begin by washing your face.  I prefer to shave in the shower, which can easily be done with a fog proof mirror installed, but if you opt not to, you can begin with a warm washcloth. 

2.  Next, apply the shave gel in small circles, again to prepare your facial hair.  I prefer shave gel versus foam because it helps the razor glide across the skin easier.  I generally use Gillette Extra Comfort Shave Gel, but Lab Series for Men makes a really amazing shave cream.  

3.  Use a newer razor blade.  As you all probably know, I shave more hair than most so I go through blades often.  Even if you’re just going for your face, you ought to be changing your blade every other week or so.  You should definitely change the blade before shaving for an important event.  I’m a Gillette Mach 3 guy, but you should go with whatever works best for your face.

4.  If you have the time, shave first going with the “grain” of your hair.  Then reapply shave gel and shave again against the grain.  This will give you a much closer shave and help reduce the likelihood of ingrown hairs.

5.  After the shave wash your face again with a face wash.  This will take away any remaining shave gel, shaved hairs, and clean your face for the day.  Neutrogena Men Invigorating Face Wash will do the job well.

6.  Always, always, always apply moisturizer to your face.  If you don’t after about 30 minutes you’ll feel like your skin is going to fall off.  The reason for this is because the act of shaving and washing depletes your face of its natural moisturizers.  I also find that as I apply the moisturizer I can feel if I missed a spot during the shave.  If you do, simply apply a little more moisturizer to the area and re-shave that spot.  Few things are more embarrassing than realizing midway through the day that you missed a spot.  I prefer Aveeno Daily Moisturizing Lotion. 

So next time you put metal to face, know that you are taking part in a tradition that is thousands of years old.  After all, this is your face – it’s kind of important.

Gentleman’s Essential #10: Healing Hands

Massages are one of those things that really connect us as humans.  Not only is it a healing technique to promote blood flow and reduce toxins, but it also gives us that physical interaction that we need as social creatures.  That’s why it’s important to become comfortable and confident giving massages.  This is probably going to be one of your favorite gentlemen’s essentials for you to master, because in order to become proficient in the art of massage you need to give and receive massages as much as possible!

I’ve only received a few professional massages, but each time I do I try to be aware of the techniques employed so I can use them later on.  For everyday massages the common Swedish massage is used.  This is the standard massage that uses pressure and friction to encourage blood flow and relax the muscles.  Although, in my massage at the Chrysalis in Bellingham, the masseuse used the Trager technique to “release my body’s holding patterns.”  This unexpected technique helped relax me and break up my tension.

For me, I’ve found that being mindful of the body’s anatomy has been useful in giving good massages.  Luckily, I’ve had a year of Anatomy and Physiology to help me with that, but a simple study of the human musculature will do the trick (see picture).  As you apply pressure to the muscles in the back and neck, I move in the direction of the muscles, moving the tension out.  Much of this is tension is in the Trapezius, Levator Scapulae, and Infraspinatus.  This is because throughout the day, we are constantly using those muscles to keep our head up as we work and they aid in arm movement.  Additionally, muscles that run along bones like the scapula tend to get pretty sore.  Using deep pressure from your thumb along the Supraspinatus will do wonders for a stressed out friend or loved one.  Through all of this, communication is the key.  Whereas one person might need relatively tough pressure, someone else might be very sensitive and appreciate a lighter touch.

So if you want more massages, you’ll have to give more.  As my buddy Mahatma Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

Gentleman’s Essential #9: The Utility Players

In Major League Baseball, what do Cesar Tovar, Cookie Rojas, Bert Campaneris, Shane Halter, and Jose Oquendo have in common?  They have all played every position in baseball in their careers.  Pretty amazing!  These athletes completely embody the moniker “utility player.”  As guys, we generally like our lives simple and our clothing options should only stay true to that mission.  Most of us have a few pairs of shoes, a small assortment of shirts, a couple of belts – black and brown.  The essential elements.  Do we really need a walk-in closet packed to capacity with a myriad of coats and shirts for every conceivable event? 

In this vein, we will take a look at three “utility players” that every guy should have at their disposal.  First up is the black pea coat.  The pea coat was designed originally for sailors as early as the 1720s and the name originates from the Dutch word “pijjekker” which refers to a kind of heavy cloth.  In the centuries since its introduction, the style has changed very little.  The great thing about a pea coat, is it’s the type of jacket you can throw on over a t-shirt and jeans as you head out into the cold, or you can feel comfortable putting it on over dress clothes.  It fits any environment. 

Today’s look is trending to slimmer fits and mixing dress shirts with jeans.  Anything that lets us wear jeans more can’t be all bad.  Wearing a dress shirt with jeans is cool, but if you were to put on a regular-width tie it would throw off the look.  Currently thinner ties are back in style and this option is a great way to look good whether you pair it with a suit or your shirt and jeans.  It really works with either option.  When picking a skinny tie, it’s best to opt for a black one first as it’s the most versatile. 

The final essential out of our utility players is the lightweight, V-neck sweater.  The reason this falls into the “utility” group is because, like the others, it fits well as a something you’d wear with nicer clothes, or feel free to push up the sleeves and pair it with your favorite jeans.  A casual look that’s in style right now is to wear a button up shirt underneath and roll up the sleeves.  (see picture below) It’s a great way to create a layered look.

It’s good to find your own unique look that you can feel comfortable in, but any guy will agree that you really need those simple, go-to items like a coat, a tie, and a sweater.  Keep these within reach and you’ll be good for a job interview or heading out with a group of buddies.

Gentleman’s Essential #8: Smooth Operator

For a man to try to explain what women want (especially one as clueless as I am) would be as pointless and irrelevant as a pair of rubber crutches.  I went into this installment with the idea that I’d lay down some dazzling stats about how women like a man who’s squeaky clean with a freshly shaved face.  After pouring over various articles on the subject, what I’m actually finding is that the later is what women will tell people they want, but when they actually confide privately, they confess that they want someone who’s a little disheveled and unshaven. 

The Mail’s article cited a survey conducted in 2010 by onepoll.com, which listed women’s preferences (in this order).  To the 2,500 women in the poll, their ideal man would be unshaven, kind of nerdy, hairy-chested, and emotional.  For the cherry on top, it doesn’t hurt if he has glasses, passionate about a sports team, and a little “soft”.  So guys, your new alpha-male to base all of your life after is….  

Zach Galifianakis!  (See pic)

In all reality, apparently what the women in the poll were indicating was that they want a man who is “real.”  Someone who is who he is, and doesn’t focus too much on his appearances.  They want someone who isn’t afraid to be kind of a geek and show his emotions, because that shows a certain level of fun and confidence.  This guy would have a winning personality and have some attractive features, but not focus on checking himself out in the mirror.  

Now that I’ve let this installment write itself.  I’m going to rein it in next time and try again at the Smooth Operator piece.  If you know me, I’m one to opt for a shave.  So I’ll delve into the best practices in the art of shaving.

Until then… be kind, be thoughtful, be sophisticated.  Be a gentleman.