Gentleman’s Essential #16 – The Smile That Melts Hearts

When I was young, I was pretty shy.  Getting out of my comfort zone and meeting new people was a torturous experience for me.  You can imagine my dismay when at the age of 8 my family announced that we would be moving from the home and friends I grew up with, to a new home and new school a number of miles away.  My parents’ bedroom is still clear in my memory that first morning of school.  That’s when I received some of the most thoughtful advice I’ve ever been given.  My Mom said, “If you smile, you’ll make a lot of friends.”  Being the trusting young man I was, I did just that.  That day at recess I innocently walked up to Jason and Jeff, smiled and asked, “do you want to be my friends?”  And that was that – we started hanging out.  I was still shy, but I had an easier time getting to know people.  Now I can’t seem to wipe this smirk off of my face (please note Exhibit A in the About Me section). 

Some expressions are universal and occur in ever society and culture from the isolated aborigines of Australia to the city dwellers of New York.  Smiles are one of those expressions.  Sometimes a person can fake a smile when one is being polite, but a true smile contracts the orbicularis oculi (no, that’s not a Harry Potter spell) – forming the “crows feet” near your eyes.  Next time you’re trying to see if the person you’re talking with is really smiling – don’t look at their mouth, look at the eyes.  The eyes always tell the whole story. 

Aside from knowing when you’re friend/date is really happy, smiles are also a great way to help others see that you’re a good person and want to talk.  Even if you have a bit of a goofy smile – people usually can’t help smiling back.  Which brings me to one of my favorite games.  For a day, try to see how many strangers you can get a smile from.  Not by doing anything crazy or funny, but by smiling at them.  It always made my day, and you never know – it might make the other person’s day too.  There’s really no need to always be upset, or have a scowl across your face.  You like talking with people who are happy and trust me, other people will feel the same way about you.  Of course, it's best to be honest about your feelings, but if everything's fine (which, isn't it?)  then why not have a grin on your face.  

Go out there and make some friends – and you never know, one day you might just have a girl say you melted her.      

Gentleman’s Essential #15: Subtle Sophistication and Patience

The 2005 New Line comedy classic, Wedding Crashers, featured Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson as a couple of guys who drop in on weddings to have some laughs, eat good food, and meet some girls.  People helping people!  Vince Vaughn’s character is very loud and garish whereas Owen Wilson’s character is more reserved, more patient with what he wants (Rachel McAdams)… he’s more subtle. 

What is a subtle guy like?  They don’t have to always be heard by everyone.  The subtle guy is able to hang back and interject the perfect joke at the perfect time.  You know the guy, a comedy ninja.  As he’s listening to his date, he lays out a perfect line – one that shows he’s listening and quick on his feet.  A subtle guy also doesn’t need to brag.  He does great things and lets his actions speak for themselves.  Unlike the loud “one upper” as I like to call them.  Don't be afraid of “awkward silences”.  See those moments actually as a great time to try to see what the other person’s eyes are telling you.    

There’s no need to be the loud guy.  Sure, there’s a time and a place, but a gentleman will realize that it’s best to think about what he says and does.  Live passionately, but also be thoughtful.  It’s great to go after what you want in life and seize what you find beautiful and inspiring, but be patient too – some things are best when the time is right. 

Take for example Owen Wilson’s character.  He falls for the perfect girl; things don’t work out and actually go really badly for him.  What does he do?  What would you do?  He doesn’t freak out and do the wrong thing and, on the flip side, he doesn’t give up.  He patiently works hard at being the right guy for the right girl.  In the end, it all works out, because he’s been quietly being a good man.      

Patience brothers – good things will happen if you’re doing the right thing and working hard at what you want.  And always, always, be thoughtful.