Gentleman's Essential #17 - Your Thing

In early August something great came into my life – a puppy named Toby.  Cara and I went to the dog breeder’s house in Marysville to check out their litter of golden retrievers (we both have always wanted one).  There were three or four little fuzz-balls, but one was a little different from the rest and crawled out to us.  That was it – he was coming home with us.  Toby’s grown from the tiny guy that fit in the palm of your hand, into a 40+ pound dog in just a few short months.  Raising a dog is a lot of work: the feeding, the walking, the bathing, the bathroom trips.  Oh, the bathroom trips!  Now when we come back inside from heading out to the rain to make sure Toby pees and poos in the grass and not on the floor, Cara invariably asks, “Was he a good boy?”  And I reply, “Yup, he did his thing.” 

We all have “our thing”.  Cara’s thing is yoga and reading.  Ryan’s thing is collecting and dressing nice.  Stanislav’s thing is climbing and cigars.  Apparently, Toby’s thing is “leaving his mark on the world”… in his own way.  Our special thing is what defines us.  It’s not everything we are, but it is a big part of our lives.  It’s something that, internally, is something to be passionate about, and externally, something that makes us interesting.  Take for example my boss, the head of the Amazon Appstore – Aaron Rubenson.  He’s incredibly smart, well spoken; he’s a hard worker and demands the same from the team.  Oh hey, by the way, he’s also a concert opera singer.  And he’s learning how to sail.  I’m sure as he talks with “the higher-ups” or people from other companies, he stands out with interesting personal experiences from “his thing”.  After all, we work to live, not live to work. 

Your thing shouldn’t be artificial.  If it’s cool, but you’re not into it – don’t force it.  When you take time for yourself and your hobbies, you should be excited about it and you should feel like you derive some satisfaction from it.  As you give time to yourself to do “your thing”, you will have a wealth of great experiences to look back on and share with others. 

Be interesting my friends; go find what you are passionate about.

Gentleman's essential #1: Gratitude

This might seem like an odd thing to start with - Gratitude.  If you thought you'd be coming on this blog to learn how to impress people with your impeccable style, cunning wit, or proficient know-how, you'd be right ... later.  Bear in mind, gentleman-grasshopper, you must lay the foundation of what a true gentleman is before you go forward.

If a guy acts like a gentleman, but doesn't have genuine gratitude for those around him, others will see through him and think he has some ulterior motive.  Let's face it though, even if we are sincerely grateful, we all want something.  If we go out to eat, we hope for great service.  If we go on a date, we (usually) hope for another.  Try to appreciate that you are interacting with another person, who like you, has hopes and emotions.  For example, your server is probably hoping you'll be a considerate customer.  Your date hopes you'll be fun and thoughtful.  Don't simply look at people as a means to an end.

This is kindergarden stuff.  It's simple, but make sure to always sincerely say, "Thank you."  But even better, find something that the other person did that stood out to you and comment on it.  This could be something like, "Thanks for getting lunch with me.  You're really funny and easy to talk with."  A sentiment like that is good for a note or an email.  Otherwise, it's always a good idea to thank someone for their time or effort.  People appreciate being recognized for those sacrifices.

On a related note, here's my personal standard for gratitude with people who serve me: I always give 20% tip.  It's easy, it's customary to tip, and that little extra makes the other person's day.  Here's the simple math:

Take your bill > divide by 10 > then double it!

Simple, right?  $20 lunch - divide by 10 = $2, then double it = $4  Easy enough!

How does this gratitude stuff sound?  Do you think you can handle it?  Now it's my turn...

Thank you for reading this first official blog post.  I look forward to discussing trends and topics about "all things gentleman-ish."  I'd love your feedback!

In the coming weeks we'll discuss style tips, grooming, interpersonal engagement, cool tech and auto trends, and awesome date ideas.  I'd love to hear your thoughts and opinions.  Additionally, if there's one thing that I've learned growing up, is that the women in my life can really bring insight into how to be a better man.  Please, all you great women out there - share your insights too.

Thank you.